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Infertility and Motherhood

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Viability week

24 weeks 1 day – 111 days to go

We finally reached viability week!! I feel such a sense of relief that we are finally here! Today was my 24 week check-up along with my follow-up anatomy scan to get view of little nuggets heart. I also had my glucose test today… fun times!

I arrived at the lab 8:45 and chugged down my lime glucose drink and then went upstairs for my appointment. I was taken back for my ultrasound right on time at 9am and the baby was moving like crazy. Kicking the probe and swimming away every time she tried to get him to stay still… it was really entertaining for me. Not so much for her! His HB was 131bpm and we finally got all the views we needed and I went back to the waiting room. The plan was to have the appointment with the doctor and then go back to the lab for my blood draw. That didn’t happen. By 9:40 I still hadn’t been called back to so I had to run to the lab to get my blood draw for the glucose test and then come back to the clinic. I wasn’t called back until 10:15 where they took my weight (still no true weight gain) and my blood pressure (130/72 – the first time it’s been elevated but I was so stressed from the wait) and then the dr. didn’t come in until 10:30. She walked in, measured the fundal height and that was it. I was so happy to leave at that point. I should get my results on the glucose test by Tuesday at the latest.

Also! Baby has gotten SO strong in the last couple days. Just last week I was saying how E hasn’t been able to feel him yet but on Saturday night baby was moving like crazy and E actually got to feel him. Since then? The movement has exploded! I don’t know if it’s because he is closer to the surface or if he just went through a growth spurt but the past two nights we have been able to lay back and just watch my stomach move with all his movements. It’s my absolutely favorite thing in the entire world ❤ I can’t wait till G gets to feel him (he doesn’t have the patience to sit and wait for it). Hopefully soon!


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A non-update update

22 weeks 5 days – 121 days to go

We are so close to “viability week” and I am counting down the days. Only 9 to go till I hit the elusive 24 week mark. By no means am I ready for little man to show his face, it just makes me feel so much better that if something happens his chances for survival will just get greater every day past that 24 week mark.

This biggest thing that has been happening since my last update is that I am feeling him regularly and on a daily basis which I am loving. E still hasn’t felt him yet but I am hoping it will be soon. Each day it seems like he is getting stronger and it’s just a matter of time before E and G will get to experience it. I can’t wait.

We also made our first baby purchase; the crib! It went on sale and I just couldn’t pass it up. We were originally going to buy a cheaper one because I felt like the price was extraordinary but when it went on sale, I couldn’t say no. It was delivered this weekend and E says he will put it together next weekend so we’ll see. I am getting to a point where I feel like I need to start purchasing some things but still finding it hard to pull the trigger.

My best friend has told me she is throwing me a baby shower which is so incredibly sweet and I wasn’t expecting it since not only is this my second baby but it’s my second boy. We decided that it would be a co-ed get-together more than a baby shower which I am incredibly happy about (I hate attention focused on me).

Nothing else much going on. My next appointment is in 10 days where I get to take the wonderful 1 hour glucose test (which I’m sure I will fail and have to take the 3 hour test). I luckily get to see my little man again though 🙂 Hopefully he will be cooperating and let us get the pictures of his heart that we need.

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Anatomy Scan

20 weeks – 140 days to go

I honestly can’t believe I am at the half way point today. Seems incredibly surreal.

Since the crazy kidney stone debacle a week and a half ago, that excruciating pain has luckily not come back. I went to the urologist and he isn’t actually convinced it’s kidney stones. He told me it could be or it could be the position of the baby that is causing fluid to back up into my kidneys which would give me all the indications of kidney stones but not actually have them. Apparently that’s a thing. They can’t tell without a CT which isn’t really advised while pregnant so unless the pain comes back it’s a wait and see game. Regardless I am just happy the pain hasn’t returned.

Yesterday we had our anatomy scan and it went really well. Baby boy was sleeping facing down but we got all the proper views with the exception of his heart outflow, so we need another scan in 4 weeks to just make sure it looks good. We weren’t really able to get many good pictures since he was face down which was a bummer but I love seeing him on the screen. He’s weighing in at 11 ounces and had a heart rate of 147bpm.

The doctor portion of the visit was extremely fast and uneventful. My next visit I have to do the gestational diabetes test (yuck) but hopefully I pass. With G I failed the one hour but passed the 3 hour so we shall see.

In terms of my health, I’m doing well. I am down another pound (which they are perfectly fine with), my BP was 106/68 and zero flags from my urine sample. Couldn’t ask for anything better. I gain 11 pounds with G’s pregnancy and I am hoping that I can do something similar this time around as well.

Oh, I am also starting to feeling him a little easier and more consistently now. Usually I feel him at least once a day but some days I am lucky and feel him a few times a day. My placenta has moved and is now lateral fundal meaning that it’s towards the top and on the right side which explains why I am feeling him better now. I love every second of it.

Nothing much else to report which I am truly happy about!


Tough week…

18 weeks 5 days – 149 days to go

Or maybe it’s been weeks. At this point I am not sure I can recall everything accurately. It’s been tough both mentally and physically but the two aren’t really connected.

Mentally I have been struggling because I am almost 19 weeks pregnant and I still have barely felt baby boy move. I felt him a few times during week 16 (although I question myself if that was really him but I swear it was) and maybe twice since then. I know at my 12 week ultrasound I had an anterior placenta but I was hoping it would move some… with G I had a mostly anterior placenta but was feeling him at 18 weeks so I am just frustrated. I see all these people loving feeling their baby move and I still am in a state of “is this still real? I feel nothing.” I know this is a result of my years of infertility and my last loss but it’s really bothering me. I have had trouble accepting that this pregnancy has been real from the beginning just by how he was conceived and the fact that it seems everyone else is feeling all sorts of movement and I’m not is just adding to my paranoia. It has been a struggle to stay positive.

Physically, well that shit is insane. On January 4th I woke up with an incredible sense of urgency to use the restroom which continued with no relief for several days. A couple of my mom friends said it was probably the position of the baby since I had no other symptoms but that just didn’t feel right. After almost a week I figured it was a UTI, got in with my OB, who did a urine culture. That came back negative but my sense of urgency was only getting worse. I wouldn’t even get relief when I DID finally get a few drops out. When my OB called to tell me the culture was negative I asked for suggestions on next steps to which they almost had none. They acted like this was no big deal… I was less than thrilled. That night I woke up with excruciating back pain on my right side. I was getting ready to go to the ER when the pain slowly subsided and went away after two hours. I called my OB the next morning who told me to go to urgent care (and they gave me a specific one) because they would have the ultrasound to see if I had kidney stones. I wanted answers so I drove out there… sat in a room full of people who may have had the flu for an hour and 15 minutes for them to take me back and tell me they in fact do NOT have an ultrasound machine to tell me if I have kidney stones and told me to go to the ER.

Well I wasn’t about to go to the ER when I wasn’t in pain and sit with even more people who have the flu so I went home. Not 3 hours later the pain came screaming back. To the point where as soon as it hit I told E I was going to the ER. Since G was already in bed I decided to move quick and just drive myself there. The pain was getting worse by the minute but I made it and let me tell you, Friday night during flu season at the ER is INSANE. The place was packed. I asked if I could go to L&D to which they said no since L&D is only for people over 20 weeks pregnant. I was so frustrated and in so much pain.

The next couple hours were a bit of a blur. I remember having such a sense of urgency to pee and the bathrooms being so disgusting that I actually peed myself before I made it to a clean stall. I remember being triage’d and being in so much agony that they bumped me up on the severity list. I remember going back into the lobby, wearing my mask to somewhat help protect me from the germs, that I almost passed out from the pain and hyperventilating. I remember being put in a small room where I screamed from the pain that was now making my entire uterus cramp and feel like a rock with no relief. I remember thinking I was in preterm labor and that this baby wasn’t going to make it. I remember vomiting from the sheer amount of pain I was in. So. Much. Pain.

The doctor came in and I begged that he check the baby. He told me that he couldn’t examine me until they got my pain under control. They gave me two doses of Fentanyl which did nothing. I got the ultrasound and they did confirm kidney stones. They gave me two doses of percocet which finally took the edge off. The doctor came back in around 1am and told me that there was nothing more they could do other than send me home with pain meds and some antibiotics and to follow up with a urologist on Monday (today). I asked again if we could check the baby since my stomach was still rock hard and cramping and he told me they don’t do ultrasounds when there is a diagnosis associated with kidney stones unless I am over 20 weeks and that they don’t have fetal dopplers in the ER. I was so upset and call BS but he stayed firm. There was nothing I could do.

With so much pain meds in my system and still being in intense pain I couldn’t drive. We got very lucky that one of our good friends in the neighborhood was still awake and she came to sit at the house while E uber’d to the hospital to pick me up and drive me home. He then was the most amazing husband and went to a 24 hour pharmacy at 2:30 in the morning to get all my meds. While he was doing that I took a shower to rinse off the pee and grossness from the hospital, hoping the hot water would help the pain. Nothing did. The pain was unrelenting and I honestly thought I would have preferred to die. I tried to lay in bed and no position would allow me relief. I decided to let E get some sleep since he had to work the next day and I went downstairs to wallow alone. I threw up an additional 5 times from the pain. Then, randomly at around 8:30am, the intense pain stopped. The stone must have moved because it was just gone. My sense of urgency let up tremendously as well. I have the best friends in the world who came to pick G up for a play date while E was at work so I could actually get some sleep. It was a rough Friday and Saturday.

I made it through the weekend without the pain returning and just being sore. I got in with a urologist tomorrow morning to figure out what can be done while pregnant and we will go from there. I will say though that the doppler has been the greatest purchase I think I have ever made. I have been checking him every morning to make sure he is still ok and I can find him within a minute each time. My anatomy scan isn’t until next Tuesday and it’s going to be a long 8 days as I want to just make sure he is doing ok.

It’s been draining and I am ready for some relief.

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16 week check-up

16 weeks 2 days – 166 days to go

Today was my 16 week visit which was pretty uneventful. Zero weight gain since my last appointment (still down 16lbs from when I found out I was pregnant), my BP is still nice and normal, and nothing off with my urine sample. The midwife I saw today did have some trouble finding the HB which would have thrown me into an absolute panic but since I knew where baby boy typically hangs out because I use the doppler at home, I was able to direct her and she found him. Thank goodness. My uterus is already right at my belly button but he likes to hang out way down low on my left… I didn’t ask if this was normal or not but hopefully if it wasn’t she would have said something.

In the past two weeks however I have been getting some incredibly bad headaches. One was so bad that my vision actually went black and I almost passed out. Talk about scary and it’s been really hard taking care of G during them. They never fully go away but most of the time they’re manageable however when they flair… lord have mercy. Tylenol doesn’t touch them and I can’t really take anything else so I brought that up today at my appointment. She thinks they are probably hormonal related and said they’re fairly common at my week gestation but she did prescribe a medication that is safe to take when they get really bad. I am thrilled I will have something just in case… they’ve been really miserable. If they get worse or arent better by my next appointment then they will refer me to a neurologist to be safe.

Other than that things have been fairly smooth. No complaints and now I can’t wait for my anatomy scan in 4 weeks to see my little man!!

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Going Public

14 weeks 6 days – 176 days to go

We did it. I still feel butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it… overall it went well. We had our family Hanukkah celebration this past Friday night and it was a fun night. We decided that since there were so many gifts we would break it out into 2 rounds and I made sure I was slated to be the last one in round 1. It was about 8:30pm and they all went around opening their gifts from E and I, the last gift being the wrapped picture of our announcement. Only my mother and sister-in-law got the picture but I actually got my mother opening it on camera and her reaction was pretty great.

After the initial excitement died down, I divulged the whole story of the past 6 months of losing the last pregnancies and the crazy ride this one has been. They all listened diligently and didn’t make it into a huge deal which was much appreciated.

The next morning we set out calling grandparents and speaking to a few aunts/uncles which was fun. When we were done with that E said we may as well go FaceBook official and while I somewhat agreed it was really hard hitting that “post” button. We didn’t state the gender and just left it that we are so happy G is finally going to be a big brother with our announcement picture. The news was very well received and so it’s done. No going back now!!

I do get uncomfortable when people ask me about the pregnancy and I am not sure that will ever change. It just feels so different this time around. Hopefully as I get more and more comfortable with it myself, it’ll become easier to talk about.


The thought of going public

14 weeks 1 day – 181 days to go

We are getting closer and closer to when we are telling our families about the pregnancy. In fact we are only about 36 hours away from telling mine and I am an absolute bundle of nerves. I am sure half of them will guess when they see me because of how I look but I am going to try my best to hide the bump since we won’t be saying anything until the end of the night.

It’s been so nice keeping this a secret for so long. My mother is incredibly overbearing and asks so many questions. With my first pregnancy she knew all about my IF treatments and so she knew my test days; it was killer every cycle that failed and almost even worse with the cycle that worked. I got constant questions and she said things that I really just didn’t want to hear. This time has been so peaceful; shes been out of the loop completely (didn’t know about our second pregnancy/resulting miscarriage, or this miracle that is happening now) and I’ve had the opportunity to live my first trimester how I wanted to live it: without constant nagging.

That’s all about to change though and along with that is going to be the incredibly bad guilt trip I am going to get for waiting this long to tell her. Oh well, it’s how we choose to handle it and she’s just going to have to move on.

We’re Jewish and as such are having out family Hanukkah celebration this weekend. We have  our announcement photo all wrapped up and I plan on giving one to my brother/SIL and Mom/Step-dad to open at the same time. After they realize what’s going on I think I am just going to blurt out that it’s another boy. Nothing too fancy or exciting but should be fun none the less.

After that I guess we will just start telling people. I had planned on doing a Facebook announcement but the longer we wait the more I am not so sure. I know we have to tell our close circle of friends and I want to tell a few specific people in person but I am not sure if we will be doing something on social media anymore. I am not sure if I am just trying to protect myself in case something does end up going wrong or if I just feel differently this time around. With G’s pregnancy, we did a social media announcement at 12.1 weeks. I was definitely still terrified something would go wrong but I still did it… who knows.

So that’s the plan! I am going to use my doppler tomorrow morning to hopefully find little nugget and feel more confident about the right now to tell the family tomorrow night! Wish me luck!!