"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Tis the baby season

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Babies and pregnancies are popping up everywhere. On Facebook and people in the real world – it appears as if it is the season of babies. For the people who I know, I am thrilled. Sincerely beyond excited for them as they either start their families or add to them. All the adorable squishy faces and innocent beautiful eyes… it is truly magical and I hope them all a lifetime of love, laughter and good health.

With all that being said, I sometimes get a little heartbroken. E and I were out to dinner Saturday night and we were talking about possibly driving to see a friend’s newborn this coming weekend. She is beautiful from the pictures I have seen and who wouldn’t love some newborn snuggling?! However, I wasn’t very enthusiastic to go and he wanted to know why. Being a little uncomfortable with all of “this” still, I just said that it is a little hard for me and ended up getting a little choked up. I tried as best I could to explain to him that while I am so happy for them, holding any child gives me mixed emotions of extreme happiness and extreme sadness.

He didn’t really understand but that’s ok… I don’t really think a man could understand a feeling like that so I don’t fault him for it. He asked me when I thought I would be able to make the visit and I simply said that what I feel isn’t a fleeting thought, that it will be with me until we have our own child, so that we can go whenever our schedules match up with theirs.

I know I am not alone with this feeling but it doesn’t make it any easier.

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