"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Back to reality…

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Wow. So much to update on. This may be a long post so a gold start for those who even attempt to read through it. 

Vacation was awesome! 6 days of relaxation and fun with a ton of food. Oh how I love food. We ate every type of everything and it was delicious. I also got some great sleep! Since I was 99.99% sure I am not pregnant I got to take a sleeping pill every night which meant that I slept through the night and didnt have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to take care of my 4 dogs (I really do love them so much!). It was great. Spent time at the pool and went to a couple theme parks (we went to Orlando, FL). The condo was beautiful and completely renovated and had a 4 person jacuzzi tub INSIDE!  

In other news I ended up making the split decision to tell my mother what was going on with the baby situation. We stopped by her place on our drive down to Orlando and her and I went out to dinner by ourselves. She proceeded to very happily ask when E and I were going to start “trying”. I couldn’t stand the pep in her voice and the smile on her face anymore. She asks almost every time we talk on the phone and its heartbreaking every time for me to tell her that ‘oh we aren’t really ready’, ‘we want to do xyz’ first’, ‘we want to have x amount of money saved’… there are only so many ways I can lie to her. So even though E and I said we weren’t going to tell anyone in our real lives, I just came out and said “well we have actually been trying for over a year”. After that awkward 5-10 seconds of silence I went into more details. She didn’t freak out but kept asking questions. Most of which I had answers to but she wanted to know what the final end game was <sigh> If I knew how to have a baby the fastest possible way with doctors sign off, I would have done it already! 

She ended the conversation with “well, I am glad you told me and keep me posted.” That was a week ago. Now instead of “when do you think you are going to start ‘trying'” I get, “have you and E taken your meds? Any side effects today? How are you feeling <insert overly sympathetic tone>.” I guess I should be nicer about it but I told her so she would leave me alone, not ride my ass even harder. Oh well. 

It is also not the smartest idea to go to the child capital of the world for vacation. I didnt really think that through. There were these adorable children EVERY in Orlando. I just couldn’t escape them. And the billboards down there are nuts. Every could of miles would either have a “Pregnant and alone? Call XXX-XXX-XXXX” or a picture of an adorable baby that say “My heart beat 18 days after conception.” Apparently FL is really pro-life but it was just another reminder on my very long drive there and back. 

I am not ready to go back to work tomorrow. I really could see myself as a housewife (as E completely rolls his eyes lol). I did not miss work one bit! We are about to go to a neighborhood cookout and it will be my last hoorah in terms of food for a while. I am starting a 30 day cleanse program tomorrow! I am excited and nervous about it all at once 🙂 I want to feel like me again and one part of that is loosing some of this weight and getting healthy again. Stop eating the shit I eat and start getting real and wholesome nutrition. I cleaned out my entire kitchen today and threw out so much junk and then went to the grocery store and started to buy the things I should have always been buying. This along with the 30 day program, I am hoping to see some good results in my body and my spirit! 

Wish me luck!!

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