"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Feel like giving up

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I didn’t know it could hurt this damn bad. I found out a good friend, the closest friend I have had since moving away from Georgia, is pregnant. They weren’t even trying and “it was an accident”. Great. Talk about a punch in the fucking gut. I was obviously visibly super excited for them and but holy shit. She told me right before our walk and just kinda shoved an ultrasound picture in front of my face. So the whole walk we talked about her being pregnant. It took everything in me to hold it together. By the time I reached my drive way I was crying, by the time I walked in the front door I was hysterical and I stayed like that the rest of the night. 

I called E at work and he couldn’t even understand me I was so upset. I just can’t believe it. She had been telling me that they weren’t going to start trying until next year. I was banking on that. Now, the only friend I have here is pregnant. Which means all of the adorable baby things and talking and questions are going to be right in my face since we live across the street from one another. 

Dont get me wrong. I am SO happy for them. Her husband wanted a baby so badly. She is 8 weeks along so we have a while but I pray that they have a happy and beyond healthy pregnancy. I am excited that I get to be so close to another little miracle I just wish that it didnt hurt so badly. It is a physical pain, I am so upset it physically hurts. I still have trouble this morning not crying and have allowed a few tears to escape.

I have got to pull myself together. I have the best company in the world coming this weekend. I get to see and cuddle the most adorable baby boy and my favorite little girl will be here. I am so blessed that they are driving all this way to stay with us for a weekend. I need to focus on that and the amazing time we are going to have.

Oh and another thing I need to be happier about is my weight loss. Down 18 pounds 🙂

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