"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Moving right along

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It’s been a while since my last post. I guess nothing that I really wanted to discuss has happened. 

One of my best friends who I have posted about before, M, had a miscarriage a little over a week ago. It was heartbreaking for her and, silently, for me. I feel like I grieved over the loss of that baby. Her being pregnant gave me some form of hope. Hope that I could one day get pregnant. Hope to hold a newborn and shower it with love in the very near future. Hope to have a relationship with a child that I could love so dearly. For losing the baby she is doing remarkably well, in my opinion. I pray that as soon is she allowed to start trying again she has just as much ease getting pregnant the second time around as she did the first and that it results in a beautiful baby. She deserves it. 

I was able to get E’s semen analysis on the same day as my RE appointment which makes me really happy because I really wanted him to come with me to my appointment. We were trying to figure out how that was going to happen since this place is kind of far away and he didn’t want to miss two days of work. So now we only have to miss one and we kill two birds with one stone 😀 

I feel like the past two weeks or so have been lacking in the baby craziness. I got my period right on time with my past cycles now that I am off of the metformin and with M’s miscarriage… I don’t want to say that I have lost all hope but I am not sure how else to put how I am feeling. My mother called and told me she spoke to her OB about “my situation” and her OB told her that it is no big deal and I will be pregnant in no time. My mom was so excited to tell me that. I just wanted to cry. I know the statistics and I see this huge infertility community and the heartache we all suffer after all hearing something similar: ‘I have confidence that we will get you pregnant’ and then getting disappointed over and over again.

I am somewhat patiently waiting for my RE appointment on September 5th and in the mean time I am going to continue eating healthy, exercising and mentally preparing myself. I want to be down a total of at least 30lbs when I go and I think that is more than manageable. I think that it will show the doctor that I am committed and ready. I want this amazing gift of being a mother and will do anything to achieve it. I am determined.

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