Today we let our beautiful ~11 year old pit bull go. Over the last two weeks since his diagnosis of neuroendocrine tumors in his stomach, liver and spleen he has declined rapidly and it was time. He had the look in his eyes that he was ready and his body was definitely not going to last much longer. He hadn’t eaten an actual meal in almost three weeks and was essentially a walking skeleton with fur and a big belly full of tumors. The vet assured me he wasn’t in any true pain but still, not having the zest to eat? I know I feel like shit when I dont even want to look at food. All I have done today is cry
Last night we put him up in bed with us for some extra snuggle time and he loved it. He just gobbled up the extra love and attention. He went to his bed around 11:30 and slept till about 7 when we got up for the day. It was pure agony waiting until 10:30 to leave for our appointment. We got to the vet and E walked him in the huge open field next to the building while I went in and took care of the bill. I was a blubbering mess. When I was done they told me that I could go right into one of the rooms and we didnt have to wait in the communal waiting room, I was grateful for that.
E and I got some quality last minute time with our boy. Hugging him, kissing him, telling him what a good boy he was. He seemed confused but enjoyed the scratches and kisses. The vet and an assistant came in and brought a nice fluffy blanket with them. The laid it out on the floor and we all got down with him. The vet asked if he had eaten anything and we said no, that we tried so many food options but nothing would entice his appetite. She smiled and said, “lets try cat treats… at this point it doesnt matter and most dogs go crazy for them.” Well, let me tell you, that dog ate 5 handfuls worth of cat treats. He loved them. After that, we started the process and right after the needle went in but before she started the medication he looked me dead in the eye for about 5 seconds and then turned his head and did the same to E. Immediately after his head started to be too heavy for him to hold up and so I supported it into my lap as I continuously kissed his forehead.
It was so fast and he seemed so at peace I know we made the right decision to not prolong his life any longer. He was not his happy puppy self anymore, his quality of life was just not there. The vet and assistant left E and I alone then and said we could have as much time as we needed. We spent another 2-3 minutes with him and then trying to compose ourselves before leaving him there and coming home.
The other dogs know something is up. Whether they know he isnt coming home or they are just reading our somber moods, they have been really well behaved and laid back. It was really hard packing up his crate and putting his food bowls away. E is taking it hard. I can’t remember the last time I have seen him cry, let alone break down like he did today. It sucks. Utterly sucks.
My dogs are like my children. They are family members that rely on me for food and their care. They bring so much joy and, at times, so much frustration. In the grand scheme of things, they are with us for such a short amount of time. To love something so much and know that you have such a limited amount of time with them is heartbreaking to think about. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. My dogs are spoiled rotten and have such a wonderful home. They bring me so much love and happiness that the good will always outweigh the bad and I know I will always have atleast one furry friend by my side.
So, good bye my sweet, gentle, lovable, giant. I love you so much and I miss you like crazy already. I hope that you feel no more pain. Please know your mommy and daddy will never forget just how amazing you were.