"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Nervous with a dash of excitement

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Tomorrow morning is fast approaching and as we are getting closer and closer the amount of nervous anxiety that is bubbling up within me grows more and more. 

Friday night E and I had date night. It was really nice. We went to Buca Di Beppo for some amazing italian. If you have never been, it is, in my opinion, a stereotypical over-the-top italian restaurant in terms of the decor. There are old fashion pictures covering every inch of the walls and it is just jam packed with stuff. I love the atmosphere and the food is delicious. As we were seated I looked up to see the artwork now infront of me and this was staring me right in the face…

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I started laughing and E looked at me quizzically. All I could do was point and smile. After looking he turned back to me and I just said, ‘maybe it’s a sign…’ I got into this whole conversation with him about ‘what if this actually works?!’ I told him that I have been trying really hard to be positive like he has asked me to and it has into genuine hope. I really think this is going to work and I am going to be devastated, crumbled up on the floor when/if it doesn’t. I said that it would be easier for me to be my pessimistic self and not have the heartache. I have had enough of that, I don’t want any more. 

I went to my pharmacy today to pick up the Clomid that they were suppose to have called in on Friday and low and behold the pharmacy doesn’t have a record of a prescription being called in for me 😦 Of coarse they don’t. So instead of saving some additional time tomorrow and getting back to work as soon as I can I am going to have to take more time out of my work day. Oh well… nothing I can do about it. I should have followed my guy instinct and called friday to double check but I didn’t. I will know for next time!

So, as I head into tomorrow morning’s blood work and ultrasound I am unbelievably nervous but also have a small glimmer of utter excitement. I at least want to make it to the IUI and not have it be cancelled. I want this cycle to be successful. I pray that this cycle is successful. If it’s not, I will pick myself up off the floor and do it again and again and again. If IUI doesn’t work, then we will move onto IVF. If this cycle isn’t successful, it won’t be the end of the world but it will hurt like hell. As long as I am prepared for that, I think I’ll be ok. 

2 thoughts on “Nervous with a dash of excitement

  1. I think the only thing to do is hope and keep hoping. A good friend would always remind me at the beginning of cycles that you want each potential baby to feel wanted from the very beginning. I’m so excited for you!

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