I have read countless posts about this but I am still surprised by how passionately upset I get when someone announces a pregnancy or a new birth. I don’t mind the baby/toddler/children pictures but pregnancy announcements and those pictures of newborns in the hospital posts are like a searing wrought iron spear through the chest. It takes the breath out of me.
Last night E’s cousin who got married about a year and a half after us announced they were 8 weeks pregnant. I can’t even say I am happy for them. I mean I am but I can’t even bring myself to say congratulations on their post. I was nervous how E was going to react when he saw but I didn’t want to make it a big deal so I didn’t say anything and I just hoped he wouldn’t see the post. No such luck. Today I got a text from him that just said “fuck our lives” – I knew exactly what he was talking about but asked what was wrong just in case. He said D and A are pregnant. My response: Yea, I saw, but look at how fat he is and you are so much more handsome. Plus I am way better looking then her ;).” I just wanted to bring a smile to his face. He was cute and wrote back – ‘well that’s the damn truth!’ It was then followed up immediately with “I think I am going to deactivate Facebook. I am tired of seeing everyone else happy.”
I know how he feels. It’s like I do it to torture myself. I don’t know. I am really down right now and need to get myself back up. I have my last round of Clomid tonight and then it is just a matter of hoping that something shows on the scan on Tuesday. Need to focus on that.