Today is 10DPIUI. What a fucking whirlwind of things I have been feeling. One second thinking it worked the next just *knowing* it didn’t. I have been symptom spotting like MAD which is so bad and does nothing but hurt my spirit more but I just can’t stop.
My “symptoms” have all but gone away from around 7DPIUI (the day with my strongest symptoms).
1DPIUI – cramping
2-3DPIUI – nothing to note
4DPIUI – mild tender breasts, slight twinges
5DPIUI – mild tender breasts, bloating, gassy, twinges
6DPIUI – tender breasts, gassy, fatigue, PM nausea, glob of creamy CM
7DPIUI – extreme tender breasts, threw up my lunch due to nausea, glob of creamy CM, twinges
8DPIUI – mild tender breasts, mild cramps, queasy, bloated
9DPIUI – mild tender breasts, 2hrs on/off sharp stabbing cramps on lower left side, queasy, diarrhea, bloated
10DPIUI – (so far) mild tender breasts, queasy
I know you can’t go by any of the above but I just don’t feel it. I had a brief bout of hope yesterday thinking that the sharp localized on/off cramps was implantation but that optimism was brief, at best. These 2 weeks seem like FOR.EV.ER! E is going nutty asking me what I think and when I tell him that I don’t think it worked he gets mad and tells me that it is my body and I am the one who needs to be positive. Well, sorry hunny I just can’t bring myself to feel that way. Every night I lay in bed and put my hand on my stomach and send a silent prayer. I then try to visualize sperm meeting egg, all the cells growing and then burrowing into my uterus and growing long and strong. Every night I do this regardless of what I am feeling. I don’t know if I do it because I am hoping it changes my mind around or it is the power of wishful thinking. During those moments I am wishful. I actually see it happening in my body. It’s wonderful but then I take my hand away, roll over and all that goes away. It is an exhausting routine.
These next 4 days are going to be hell… how do people do this over and over again. When we were just TTC via the good ‘ol baby making way, the 2ww wasnt NEARLY as bad for me. This round I KNEW I ovulated, I KNEW that E had good sperm and that we timed it pretty dang good – all that gave me a hope I don’t think I have felt since we first started trying almost 3 years ago. I have read some women going threw upwards of 10 IUI’s… I just can’t imagine. If this doesn’t work we are slated to do 3 more but I think I will be asking if we could only do 2 before moving to IVF. Wow, then to think about the wait after that sort of thing…