"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Enough wallowing

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I let myself wallow after Friday’s BFN. It felt good to be justified in my sadness. It wasn’t me being pessimistic, it was me feeling sad and angry at another failed cycle. No one could tell me to be hopeful because about 3 hours after the test AF showed up. There wasn’t any “it’s not over until the witch shows” business. It was over. Another cycle down the drain.

Friday I stuffed my face with whatever I wanted, used an illuminating face mask, took a steaming hot bath and two sleeping pills. It was a wonderful night to just relax and sleep without any dreams. Saturday E and I spent the day together running errands and relaxing and then spending the afternoon and evening with some friends watching football and continuing to stuff ourselves.

I am trying to think of the positive things – going into this cycle with a more optimistic outlook. I learned a couple of things; Since AF arrived exactly 14 DPIUI I know for sure I ovulated and we timed the IUI perfectly. My luteal phase is the appropriate length and I am producing enough progesterone on my own. All good things. Each failed cycle does bring me more information about my body and how it is working and I need to be thankful for that.

Next steps; first thing monday morning it’s back to the RE’s office for my ultrasound and E2 levels. I am praying that I did not develop any cyst’s that will hinder this cycle from moving forward. If all looks good, I will be starting on Femara 5mg Monday night. I am hopeful that I will respond better with the Femara then I did with the clomid and that this cycle will be the one that gives me those two beautiful lines.

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