It has been no secret that I have struggled a great deal with remaining hopeful through infertility. I still believe that it’s a way for me to soften the blow when I get a BFN each month. With the failure of this last IUI, moving into the next cycle has me in a mix of emotions.
I do have hope in the sense that so many women I have heard from say that Femara is their miracle drug and they got pregnant the first month on it after taking clomid. Maybe that will be me and I will get to write that Femara was my miracle drug as well. On the other hand I am already thinking ahead to IVF and planning on trying not to go more than 3 rounds of IUI before moving forward. That doesn’t sound to hopeful to me.
One of you lovely ladies told me that each round I need to go into holding on to the fact that this is the start of a potential new life and that that baby deserves all your time, attention and love. I need to get back to focusing on this cycle. To this potential new life.
Yesterday a friend who has gone through IF and now has the most adorable little boy said this to me:
It’s okay if it hurts too much right now to have hope. Because, even when you lose hope, I’ll still be here holding onto it for you. That’s what friendship is all about.
It made me cry. That was the most perfect thing to say and I didn’t even have a good response. Today is a new day and I am refocusing on my priorities. Back to living in the moment and stop planning ahead.
I have also been feeling guilty about talking about IF so much to the few people who do actually know about what is going on. These individuals have given me no reason to feel that way and when I expressed my guilt they adamantly and feverishly told me that I was being crazy (in the sweetest way ;)) and that they were here for me through anything. I have amazing people in my life and I am so grateful 🙂