"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD


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Our first and I am sure it won’t be the last

13 weeks 6 days. 183 days to go.

So we had our first “scare” last night and kinda this morning. Around 1pm yesterday I started having this weird pain in the middle of my abdomen, right under my belly button. It was like a burning/stabbing pain and would only last a second or two but I was having a couple an hour. By the time dinner rolled around they were getting more frequent so after conferring with some friends who have been pregnant several times, I called the after hours nurse and after 20 minutes of questions she said she wanted me to come in first thing the next morning.

Off to the office I went at 6:50 this morning and they said since I wasn’t bleeding everything was fine but they wanted to check the baby just to be sure. She started with the doppler and got nothing. She seemed concerned because she said at this point we should be able to hear it. I was ok until she seemed concerned. She excused herself and came back and said that they wanted to do an ultrasound to check everything out. When I got in the ultrasound room I was able to get a brief glimpse of the heartbeat before the fire alarms went off and we were told we have to evacuate. Are you fucking kidding me?! Atleast I knew there was a heartbeat. 10 minutes later we came inside and got to finish up. The funny thing was that once I got back on the table and she started the scan again the baby had its hands by its ears as if the noise bothered him/her! It was really cute 🙂 The doctor gave me the thumbs up and said that if the pain comes back worse or if there is any bleeding call but to just take it easy. So that’s what I am going to do 🙂

ImageI still think it’s kinda creepy how alien-ish they look at this stage but I still love him/her to pieces and am so glad everything is ok!!

 


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Ramblings

13 weeks 3 days. 186 days to go.

1) Yesterday was a somewhat exciting day for me. I actually sort of felt pregnant! My whole stomach feels like things are shifting. It feels like my organs are in my throat (like that super, super full feeling?), I get shortness of breath just walking from the couch to the kitchen and my whole lower abdomen feels like the muscles are stretching. It’s not painful, just somewhat uncomfortable. Like I can’t find a position to make it better. I still feel that way today and it’s helping me feel reassured. I don’t know if it’s normal but I am assuming it is. It’s amazing and I am loving every second of it. 

2) I got my repeat liver function tests done last week at my NT scan appt… this was the 4th time that they were drawn since May 2013. I was pretty convinced that they would still be elevated and that I was going to be going to the hepatologist. Well I got the letter in the mail that says my liver function now looks PERFECT and that there is no evidence of significant liver damage. Also, no need to seek additional consultation. Talk about a happy camper 😀

3) I have become obsessed with fruit smoothies the last 2-3 weeks. I have one every day and if I miss a day, my life feels incomplete. My favorite mixture so far is: Frozen strawberries, frozen bananas, non-fat greek yogurt and a little bit of watered down apple juice. It is the most amazing mid-morning snack I have ever had. Gives me my fruit, protein and just makes me happy.

4) E and I may be crazy. Our current foster pup isn’t leaving for his new home until March 8th. We were thinking we would have a small break between him and the next. Well not so much. We are getting our new foster on Saturday. A 2 year old black great dane. He is an owner surrender and the evaluation on him came back great so at least he is house trained, good with other dogs, and is up to date on all vaccines but still. It’s going to be pretty tight around here with 5 dogs for a week (2 of which will be danes). After this one I REALLY think we are going to take a little break! 

That’s about all that is happening in my end of the world. I hope everyone has a wonderful week!!! 


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…Facebook Official…

We did it. This morning we did the unthinkable and announced the fact that we are expecting. It was pretty scary. If you have been reading this blog for a while you know how dog-crazy E and I are so we had to incorporate something dog related in our announcement. We had a really hard time deciding which picture to use but finally decided on this:

ImageThe message associated with the picture said: “What’s one more mouth to feed? The C*** Family is growing again… only this time it’s by two legs instead of four! Baby C is arriving around the end of August!”

 

Totally nerve wrecking but also pretty exciting!!! Here’s to a wonderful weekend!!!

 


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In awe

12 weeks 4 days. 192 days to go.

I couldn’t update yesterday because we were too busy sharing the news with family and friends that I am pregnant. It was such a surreal act. Letting people know what we have kept a secret for what feels like an eternity. The more people I talked to, the more I opened up to about our infertility struggles. It was amazingly, weirdly, nice. 

So the NT scan was awesome. Baby was being uncooperative for the technician but I was perfectly ok with that. E and I got to watch our little baby wiggle, stretch, kick, hit and arch for over 20 minutes while they were trying to get a good picture. Pure heaven. It’s amazing that something so tiny looks so much like a baby already and is moving SO much. We even saw a tiny little baby hand. Truly unbelievable. His/her heartbeat was good at 162bpm and the NT scan was good, everything was within normal range. 

We met with the doctor who poked my belly, asked how I was doing and was happy that I am down 2lbs from my 9week appointment. After that, went to the lab for some bloodwork and scheduled my next appointment 4 weeks from now.

I can’t believe we are telling people. It’s so surreal! 


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Monday can’t get here fast enough!!

So remember how I didn’t want to take “bump” pictures? Well I have really felt ‘bumpish’ lately and so I was sort of excited to take this month’s picture 🙂 Yesterday was 12 weeks and since my mom was here and I am still uncomfortable with this whole thing, we took today instead since she left this morning. I can’t believe I have a bump already. I thought since I was a bigger girl it would take me longer to show but idk. I just hope everything is ok and that on monday we see a beautiful little blob wiggling away!! According to my scale I haven’t gained any weight which I am quite happy about although this week I have been pretty bad food wise 😦 

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I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s day and is having a fantastic weekend!!


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My first true snow storm

I grew up in Florida, moved to Georgia when I was 14 and moved to Charlotte about 16 months ago. I never traveled up north during the winter and have never gone skiing in Colorado. The most snow I have ever seen is about 2-3 inches. Well we are getting a serious storm here today and it’s been fun (although pissed me off because I had to cancel plans). 

My mother came in town on Monday and I had taken off of work in order for us to go shopping and look at some baby stuff. Well it snowed about 2 inches yesterday and when I woke up this morning the concrete was dry and I thought we would be ok to still go out. Well, that was at 8am. By 9am the snow had started falling heavily and by 10am when we got in the car the roads were already horrible. We made it down two roads before deciding it just wasnt safe and we turned around and came home. I couldnt cancel my day off of work which is a bummer because this is a wasted day but oh well. We have been sitting around the house just watching tv and relaxing. 

The best part is the dogs and their hatred of the snow. It’s pretty funny 😉

Are you serious? I have to go out there?

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Flying Frenchie!

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11 weeks and baby shower talks

Today is 11 weeks. Day 77. 203 days to go. 

I still don’t feel pregnant. After all the years and things we did to get here I want to feel pregnant. I wanted the sickness and big swollen boobs that most women get. I want to feel a part of this new club. In reality I don’t feel like I fit into either. I’m pregnant so I don’t feel like I’m solely in the infertility club and I don’t feel pregnant so I don’t feel like I am in the pregnancy club. 

My mother and I got into a huge conversation earlier this week about how she thinks I am projecting and putting negative energy towards the baby. I don’t think I am. I am being realistic. There are SO many things that could go right or wrong. She thinks things are all unicorns shitting rainbows and that nothing could go wrong. I want to feel validated that even if I am not cramping or not spotting and things seem fine that, that could change in the drop of a hat. I tried explaining to her that when I say something that I am concerned about and she sweeps it under the rug without even listening to me and tells me to just be grateful and be positive that it really hurts me. Lets hope it sank in and she starts caring a little bit about my feelings more because I AM grateful. I am beyond grateful. It still doesn’t feel real that this actually is happening to me, to us. 

I still don’t really talk about our little blob (a nickname that he/she was given at the 7 week ultrasound). I feel like anything I do is going to jinx it but today I was forced to talk about the future.

One of my best friends, who is also my neighbor and one of the very few ppl that knows, called me up this morning to invite E and I to dinner. We haven’t spoken as often as we use to and I think it’s because she needs her space. They got pregnant on their first try and she had a missed miscarriage, found at the 12 week ultrasound, back in July 2013. They started trying again when they got the go-ahead from the doctor but nothing has happened yet. It’s been a very sensitive situation. Well after the dinner planning she says “so, I am throwing you a baby shower.” Just matter-of-fact like. I was completely taken a-back. I didn’t really think I would have a baby shower. I only really have one real friend up here (M) and other friends are in ATL so I just didn’t think that it would be something I got. I didn’t have any bridal showers before I got married so why would I have a baby shower? 

M has so much going on this year. She is in 3 weddings and is throwing the bridal showers and bachelorette parties. I was flabbergasted that she was even thinking of me and wanting to throw me a shower. She said it would be a neighborhood thing and I could invite anyone from ATL. It’s going to be a very small amount of people but I still I can’t believe it. She then said “I was thinking June, what do you think?” I had to force myself to think that everything would be ok that far down the road. We settled on June 21st. I will be 30 weeks by then. It’s pretty hard to wrap my mind around. 

I am so lucky to have her in my life and I really hope my best friend from ATL will be able to come. 

She acknowledged that it was really early to talk about but since she has so much going on she wanted to get a date in her calendar so the wedding stuff didn’t book it. It was also nice talking to her about how she understands that things could go wrong. Just to have someone validate me is amazing. 

10 days until my NT scan… I really hope that everything is ok with my baby blob and that he/she is growing beautifully. I am hoping once I have the scan and get the ‘ok’ from the doctor that I will be able to relax a little more and start to enjoy the idea of being pregnant. I really can’t know what is laying ahead of me and blob. I need to enjoy the time now. When I actually AM pregnant. 

Happy Friday friends! I hope you all have a fabulous weekend 🙂


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Ready for the dreams to stop

I am tired. I may go as far as to say I am exhausted. I think I am catching E’s cold, so that may add to me feeling so run down but my main complaint is these damn dreams. Almost every night I have at least one dream of me losing the pregnancy. Last night was like a horror show… blood everywhere. Me screaming for E. Not being able to tell him what was going on because I was just so upset and he couldn’t understand where all the blood was coming from. It was horrible.

Each time I have one of these dreams I wake up so startled and either a) run to the bathroom to make sure everything is still ok or b) lay there and cry because it felt so real that sometimes I actually think it happened and I was reliving a memory instead of it being a dream. Needless to say, sleep is no where on my mind after that. I find that if I take one tylenol PM the dreams aren’t as bad and I can get a little more sleep but I don’t want to take it every night. 

I understand that dreams are a way of your brain working out your worries, concerns, things you experienced throughout your life and whatnot but I really hope that after I am safely out of the first trimester these types of dreams will stop. I can’t imagine being plagued with this type of fear for the next 6.5 months.

Only 14 days until my 12week 3day ultrasound… here’s hoping it is here in no time!!