"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Remembering these special moments

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34 weeks. 42 days to go.

Dear Baby G, 

As I was laying awake last night, staring at the ceiling at 3:45am, feeling you move so much you shook the mattress I couldn’t help but picture how different this is going to be in 6 weeks. How instead of staring at the ceiling I will be staring at your beautiful face for a nighttime feeding. I cannot wait to see you, hold you and be in awe by you. However, I have spent so much time focusing on meeting you that I don’t want to forget some of the special moments we have shared before even laying eyes on one another. I don’t even know where to start…

* Hearing your strong, incredibly loud, heartbeat at every doctor appointment. I look forward to it every single time and still can’t get over the sense of rightness I feel when I hear it. I never want to lose the sound of that beautiful beat.

* Feeling you move. It is the most incredible feeling in the entire world. I know you’re cramped in there but when I think about you no longer being protected inside of me, I shudder. Knowing you are there every second of every day by the pokes, jabs, rolls and full on ninja kicks makes my heart swell. 

I have spoken to women who say they miss being pregnant and I totally get it. I can’t imagine a life without you squirming around in there and I know I am going to miss feeling it every day.

* The moments you have already created for your daddy and I. The first time he felt you move was one of them. Last night was another. You were pretty active all day yesterday so after our walk I mentioned it and when we got into bed your dad asked if I would lay closer to him while I was reading so he could feel. Of coarse the first 10 minutes, you being your fathers son, you were being stubborn and didn’t move. Dad got discouraged and moved his hand. A couple minutes later you went crazy so I moved the light from my kindle onto my stomach and we both got to watch you roll and move body parts all over the place for quite a while. Then he put his hand back on and got to feel most of the movements too. It was a very special night that I want to remember forever.

Not just the movements but also the conversation. We have spent hours talking about you and what we think you’re going to be like. I personally think you will be exactly like your father but I won’t let him win that battle when we talk… not yet at least!

* The teeny tiny baby clothes. Doing your first load of laundry was so fun and cute! All those tiny outfits, socks and hats. I sat in the middle of your room with this huge pile of baby clothes and couldn’t fathom that you are going to be able to fit into them. I can’t wait to see you wear them all.

* The anticipation. I know it might sound odd to say I am going to miss the anticipation of meeting you but I really am. Your father and I waited so long to even get to the point of feeling anticipation, that discrediting it wouldn’t seem fair. As much as I can’t wait for you to be here, I appreciate all of the anticipation I feel every day while I await your arrival. 

These are just a few of the amazing moments I want to make sure to remember. Everything is so special and in 50 years I want to be able to look back and relish in the miracle of you and how you first touched our souls before our eyes even met.

I love you,

Mommy

2 thoughts on “Remembering these special moments

  1. This is such an awesome love letter to your son. I’ve been writing letters to Amelia too. I can’t wait to share them with her when she’s older. I’m glad you’re enjoying your pregnancy. I know I will for sure miss the squirming and movements too. ❤

  2. I am in tears! You captured it perfectly! ❤

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