"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

“You really don’t know love until you have children”


I hate this saying. I hated it while going through infertility and even after having my little boy, I hate it. Someone yesterday said to me, “Isn’t it amazing how you really didn’t know what love felt like until he came into your life?” All I could do was look at her and smile because it was not the time or place to get into a conversation about how untrue that statement is.

Yes, I love my amazing son so much it hurts. Yes, I would do anything for him. Yes, my life revolves around him right now. However… I have felt love long before he came into my life. Love for my family, love for my husband, love for my animals, love for my best of friends. I remember one day when I was pregnant being nervous that I would love my pets more than I would love my son, as crazy as that may sound.

I will say that I do think it is a different kind of love and maybe that is what people mean when they say this statement. Becoming this protective is a new manifestation of love that I was not use to experiencing but other than that, it is still an all consuming type of love. Just as I feel for my husband and my pets. He didn’t take away love from anyone but rather just expanded it.

When I hear people say that they didn’t know love until they had children I feel sorry for them. How horrible that you went your whole life without feeling true love. When the statement is directed towards me I feel like they are degrading the other loves in my life. That I should be loving my son more than all the other parts of my life. That maybe I am doing something wrong because I can’t agree with them. Am I somehow damaging my son for not feeling like I never knew love until he entered my life?

Maybe it’s because I went through infertility and had to focus so much on the other loves in my life in order to keep me going. Maybe there are wires crossed in my brain. Who knows? All I know is that I know what love is. It surrounds me on a daily basis from so many different angles and I am blessed beyond words to have every single ounce that I have.

2 thoughts on ““You really don’t know love until you have children”

  1. I can relate to this post so much. Agree with everything, even worrying that I’d love my pets more as well. You’re not damaging your son, you’re having a completely normal reaction based on your experiences with infertility. Even now I find myself sticking up for my pre-baby self – certain comments are still so hurtful.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s