"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD


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I wish I could be a stay at home mom

I know there are benefits of being a working mom and benefits of being a stay at home mom but I wish I could be lucky enough to stay at home with my baby every day. Each morning when I drop him off at daycare my heart breaks. Literally shatters into a million pieces that I am leaving him in someone else’s care. They get to feed him, play with him, rock him, see his sweet smile, teach him things, comfort him when he is upset, and simply just be with him. My amazing boy who can be a handful at times but is the most amazing human being I have ever met and someone else is with him the majority of his day.

I am sure that if I was able to be a stay at home mom I would want a “break” every now and then but every day I wish I wasn’t leaving him. G has started in with his separation anxiety and while I know he loves everyone at his daycare I wonder if when I leave and he realizes I am not there if he gets upset like he does at home when I briefly walk into the next room. Does he feel like I have abandoned him each and every day?

I also miss precious moments. He is starting to crawl and I want to be there for every single movement to watch his progress. To see his face light up every time that he reaches his goal.

I want to spend every minute of every day with him and am so jealous of all the moms that do get to be with their babies all the time. They are so lucky and I envy them tremendously.