"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD


9 months old

My Dear Sweet Grant,

You are 9 months old and you are currently sick. Yesterday you had a temperature of 104.2 when we brought you to the doctor. Talk about mommy freaking out. This is the first time you have had a fever and daddy was the one at the doctor with you, not me. He was with you for your first heel prick to get blood. While I am so sad I wasn’t there with you, I am so unbelievably happy that you have a dad that loves you so much and is there for you at the drop of a hat. When I told him that you had a fever when you woke up that morning, he dropped everything at work and came home to be with you. You have such an amazing dad.

While you still have a fever today, it’s not as high and you seem to be feeling a little bit better. We did our typical photoshoot and you turned on the charm for the camera, like usual.  I am in awe of how handsome you are. How your smile still melts every ounce of my body. That it seems like there is nothing bad in the world when that smile is directed at me. You are my entire reason for living.

You have truly blossomed in the last three months. You have really gone from a “baby” to a true little man! You started crawling on April 11th (7 months, 2 weeks)! It was the most adorable thing to watch you finally move on your own and once you started you did not stop. Daycare says that you are the fastest crawler in the class and to that I have no doubt. You can make it across the room in 2 seconds flat and when you see something you really want (like the dog bowl or the Roomba)? You kick it into high gear and make this adorable panting noise indicating just how excited you are.

You got your first haircut on May 9th and you were such a big boy. You sat tall and smiled most of the time. When she started to buzz the back of your head you got a little nervous but overall, your dad and I were so proud! Just 4 days later, on May 13th, you started pulling yourself from sitting to standing. I was shocked! Now you pull up on everything and are so close to standing on your own. Only a week later you learned to wave. Oh how we love waving to you and watching you wave back! It took a few weeks for that to ‘click’ in your head but when it did we were thrilled. You wave at almost everyone now and have a huge smile on your face when you do!!

I also got to experience my first Mother’s Day. Talk about surreal. After waiting so long to become a mother, I dreamed of this day; the first time I got to celebrate that I was finally a mom. It was more than I ever imagined. Not because I got a beautiful necklace from you and daddy or because you helped your daddy sign your name on my card but because I was simply a mom. No, not just ‘a mom’ but YOUR mom. I am the luckiest person in the world.

Last week we took you to the pool for the first time. First of all, I wanted to eat you up with how cute you looked in your swimsuit but mostly you just loved the water. Now you like to crawl on the top step and float around in your floaty. This summer is going to be so much fun going to the pool and beach; we are going to have a blast!

You also love turning the pages when we read. Your grammy started teaching you that so many months ago and it has grown to be something you love doing. Mostly, you don’t even want to listen to the book, you just want to turn the pages. It’s adorable… everything you do is adorable.

The past few days you have turned into a stage 5 clinger. We can’t put you down without a serious hissy fit from you; like full blown, your world is going to collapse around you if we don’t pick you back up. I love that you love us so much. That you feel as if nothing bad can happen to you as long as you are in our arms. Don’t get me wrong. It’s exhausting (both mentally and physically, you are such a big boy). I am always torn between trying to get things done around the house and simply being with you every second.

I am so looking forward to these next couple months. I already miss you being a true baby but I am so incredibly ready to watch you continue to grow into the amazing man I know you will be.

I love you more than words can express,