"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD



Another BFN this morning which isn’t surprising since I started spotting yesterday, although the spotting is gone this morning.

I am trying not to stress to much over the timing for this next cycle but there is SO much going on that it’s hard not to. Let’s just hope AF starts between now and Thursday, with a preference for tomorrow or Wednesday LOL

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This TWW is taking forever. For real. Did I feel like two weeks was an eternity last time???

Overall I feel fine. I am 8DPIUI today and last night had a really sudden sharp pain on the left side in the general uterus area. A girl can hope that was implantation but who knows. I am supposed to wait until Monday to test but I am not sure if I can hold out that long. I may break down and test Friday…

I have had slight cramping, bloating and tender breasts on and off since the IUI  which is typical given the fact that I had the trigger shot. It should be lessening over the next few days as the trigger leaves my body.

I am dying for this week to go just a tad faster!

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IUI#1 for baby #2

Our IUI was finally this morning. It feels like the first half of this cycle took forever… it was only 18 days but it felt like months. Also, navigating this whole process with a toddler is not easy. The several follicle checks were difficult enough but today we had to be at the RE by 7:30 and they are about 45 minutes away. G doesn’t typically get out of bed till 7 but we had to have him at daycare by 6:30. Needless to say he was a screaming mess this morning but we all survived.

We got to the hospital shortly after 7 and E gave his sample at 7:30. We stuck with our tradition from the last time we went through this and went to our favorite breakfast place while we waited for my scheduled time. We got back to the hospital at 9 and I was pleasantly surprised that they were ready for us 30 minutes early.

My heart sank a little when they read off E’s numbers though. The cycle we got pregnant on last time he had 21 million sperm at 95% motility. This time he had 2.8 million sperm at 85% motility. Such a drastic difference. My hope has gone down a lot with those numbers but I keep trying to remind myself that it only takes one.

My cervix was completely off to the side and it hurt like a bitch getting it moved and putting the catheter in. The nurse said I had plenty of EWCM which is good since I haven’t seen any and that once my cervix was moved she didn’t have trouble with the catheter.

So now we wait two weeks to see what’s going to happen. If this cycle fails we should have one more shot at another round before we go on our cruise at the end of September. Hopefully this will work though… fingers crossed!!


Not ready yet

Today’s CD12 ultrasound was disappointing but I am keeping my head up.

Lefty: 16×12 (14mm) and 15×12 (13.5mm)

Righty: 14×12 (13mm), 12×10 (11mm) and 12×8 (10mm)

So none that are ready which is a bummer. I have to wait to see what my E2 is but hopefully it shows that we are on the right track. I will probably have to go back thursday or friday for another follicle check and then hopefully have our IUI on Saturday or Sunday. It has to happen then because I leave for a week for work so if not then this cycle is shot :/

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Pregnancy tests

I purchased my first set of pregnancy tests in almost three years yesterday. I haven’t bought any in all that time since, well, we are infertile and I haven’t really needed them. There were a few cycles where I got my hopes up and was on CD54-60 before my period arrived but I had some old expired tests I used for that because I knew I wasn’t pregnant, it just gave me peace of mind.

So, even though I still have to get through my CD12 ultrasound/blood work tomorrow before this cycle is a green light I went ahead and bought some. It still feels surreal that we are trying for another one. There are some days where G is so difficult and I think to myself: “How am I going to handle this kid while I am pregnant? or WITH A NEWBORN?!” Mothers do it every day so I know it’s possible but it’s a daunting thought.

My thoughts are so different this time around. I was even 4 hours late on taking my fertility meds one day which would have absolutely NEVER happened the first time around (I called the office and they said it would be fine). It’s no where near consuming my every thought like the first time, which makes sense since I have a screaming toddler along with working 50 hours a week, 4 dogs and a household to keep organized since we will be putting it on the market in a few months but still. It almost feels like I am just going through the motions because we know we want two babies and my heart isn’t fully in it. I may get slaughtered for thinking that and I know it will change when I get pregnant and I can start bonding with baby, but that’s really how I feel right now.

Oh, I don’t think I updated but I had my HSG on Friday and it went really well. My tubes are open and clear. There have been studies that show having an HSG can increase your fertility up to 3 months so I am hoping this first IUI takes. That would be such a blessing.

Needless to say, I have 13 fresh pregnancy tests just waiting for me to pee on them if I am so lucky to make it that far.