I purchased my first set of pregnancy tests in almost three years yesterday. I haven’t bought any in all that time since, well, we are infertile and I haven’t really needed them. There were a few cycles where I got my hopes up and was on CD54-60 before my period arrived but I had some old expired tests I used for that because I knew I wasn’t pregnant, it just gave me peace of mind.
So, even though I still have to get through my CD12 ultrasound/blood work tomorrow before this cycle is a green light I went ahead and bought some. It still feels surreal that we are trying for another one. There are some days where G is so difficult and I think to myself: “How am I going to handle this kid while I am pregnant? or WITH A NEWBORN?!” Mothers do it every day so I know it’s possible but it’s a daunting thought.
My thoughts are so different this time around. I was even 4 hours late on taking my fertility meds one day which would have absolutely NEVER happened the first time around (I called the office and they said it would be fine). It’s no where near consuming my every thought like the first time, which makes sense since I have a screaming toddler along with working 50 hours a week, 4 dogs and a household to keep organized since we will be putting it on the market in a few months but still. It almost feels like I am just going through the motions because we know we want two babies and my heart isn’t fully in it. I may get slaughtered for thinking that and I know it will change when I get pregnant and I can start bonding with baby, but that’s really how I feel right now.
Oh, I don’t think I updated but I had my HSG on Friday and it went really well. My tubes are open and clear. There have been studies that show having an HSG can increase your fertility up to 3 months so I am hoping this first IUI takes. That would be such a blessing.
Needless to say, I have 13 fresh pregnancy tests just waiting for me to pee on them if I am so lucky to make it that far.