"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD


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Two month break

Not exactly what I had anticipated when this last cycle failed…

We have always said that we weren’t going to let infertility dictate our lives and what we do. That being said, a year and a half ago we booked a cruise to the Caribbean, and we leave on Saturday. When this cycle failed I looked at the calendar and realized that my week of monitoring and IUI would fall during the week that we were away so when CD1 came and I called my RE’s office I told them the situation and was expecting that I would take the month off (even if I didn’t want to) and we’d be fine.

Well, they say that they wont do an insemination for at least 8 weeks because of the Zika threat. Now, I watch the news. I know the threat of zika and I have purchased plenty of deet bug spray but honestly Zika is all up and down the south east (where I live) and the chances of contracting it are slim. I am really upset about this. 8 weeks puts us right before Thanksgiving and I will be gone for an entire week that week as well so there is a good chance we won’t have another shot at an insemination this year. To throw another wrench in the machine, we are moving out of state towards the end of December. So I may be taking months off while trying to get established with a new doctor in my new state.

This is not what I wanted. I am so incredibly bummed. I spent most of yesterday crying and as a result have a raging headache today.

I would never want to put my potential baby in harms way but for fucks sake, this is ridiculous.


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IUI#2 for baby #2 done

Fuck. 13DPIUI and I was all set to test this morning. Peed in my little cup and had my stick all ready. I was stupidly quite hopeful as I have been so tired and a little queasy the past few day. Well go to wipe and sure a shit, AF arrived. Didn’t need to even waste a test. Fuck.

We are going to have to take off next cycle since we will be out of town the entire week that my IUI would fall. Just such crap.


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IUI #2 for baby #2

IUI #2 was a go for this past Sunday. It went notably better than last months IUI which I was grateful for. I had a better nurse, E had better numbers, and the procedure itself went smoother.

This was a tricky situation though… We had family in town for G’s birthday and they are all unaware of us trying for a second baby. We had to somehow figure out what to say to get us out of the house at the crack of dawn Sunday morning without them being suspicious. Well I am not sure if they believed it 100% or not but since we are currently in the process of buying another house we said that we got the mortgage lender to meet with us on a Sunday to sign some papers in person and since we had to go out we were going to make a date morning out of it. It worked to some extent 😉

We arrived at the center promptly at 7:20 for a 7:30 semen collection. They took E right back and then we had an hour and a half to kill before my procedure. We went to our favorite breakfast place again and had a delicious meal… I seriously love that place. When we returned to the clinic we waited for about 20 minutes before they called us back. Since potentially have 2 mature follicles this time (24mm and 19mm on the morning of trigger) I was really hoping E’s numbers had improved from last month and they did! Still no where near as good as the cycle we got pregnant with G on but way better than last month. We had 8.5 million at 90% motility. I’ll take it 🙂

My cervix is always incredibly hard to find and they end up using 2-3 different speculums in order to located it but once that was figured out the catheter went right in and it was easy as pie.

Now, two more weeks of waiting and hoping before figuring out if it worked.


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Follicle check

I didn’t have high hopes for today’s follicle check but I was pleasently surprised. I have two contenders on my left ovary: 24mm and 19mm. My lining is at 14mm. Looks like injection tonight and IUI on Sunday.

That should prove interesting since our families are going to be here this weekend and none of them know we are doing this. We are hoping that we can say we would just like some alone time and have them babysit G while we go. Hopefully they will buy that!


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2 years old

G,

I wonder if a little boy grows out of enjoying letters from his mama. Do you think you’ll ever grow tired of reading my words? I know I will never get tired of writing you. You are two years old. TWO! My precious baby boy can’t be considered a “baby” any more.

From the day you were born you have been you. You are a sweet, independent, ornery, and busy little boy who loves to snuggle (but only at bedtime). You have the ability to melt everyone’s heart and put a smile on even the grumpiest person’s face. Your Dad and I could not be happier watching you grow from an 8.8 lb little monkey to the 2-year-old demanding little toddler that you are today. You are perfect and special and handsome and smart and we could not ask for a better kiddo.

A year ago you were taking wobbly little steps and had baby chub from head to toe. Today you run faster than I can keep up, jump more often than walk, and you have made such strides in your speech.

I am so proud of the little boy you are becoming. You are sometimes serious and other times silly. You are busy and full of energy. You are lovable and snuggable. You are your own unique little self! You currently love Elmo, cars, trucks, animals, and have recently discovered a love for baseball.

You know approximately 53 words (even though some aren’t clear to others) and a good number of animal noises! There are still plenty of times where you spout off full sentences in your own little language and I have zero idea what you are saying. The look of frustration on your face when that happens is priceless and I hope you know that I do my best to decipher everything you say. Your current favorite things to say are: “No, mommy!”, “No, STOP!”, “No, puppy” and “my (insert whatever you consider to be yours)!” – I’d say that’s fairly normal for your age but it definitely has given me time to refine some of my skills in patience. You also love counting, even if you can only count to 2. Apparently “three” is a very hard word because you just refuse to say it!

I couldn’t be any prouder of the you that you are. Every day is special and every moment is precious as long as we are together.

It is unbelievable how much you inspire me every day, and in how many ways. I want to be someone who you can be proud of. I want to be that place in your life where you can always come when you need unconditional love, understanding and warmth.

I will always love you and I will always be in your corner. I don’t make many promises to people but I will make this promise to you; I will always listen to you and I will always be someone you can count on. I will do whatever I can to make your life better for as long as there is air in my lungs and my heart still beats.

Happy 2nd birthday my boy.

I love you,

Mommy

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