"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Getting impatient

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We still have over a month until our consult with the new RE. It feels like this is taking forever and I am having a really hard time with it. One of my best friends is pregnant and she is essentially icing me out of any and all updates. Whether she is doing this to “protect” me or not I feel offended. I am so jealous that she’s pregnant but would rather be submerged in her information than feel like I am pulling teeth asking how she and baby are doing.

Pregnancy is all around me and I can’t seem to escape it. I spent last night reading all of the journal entries when I was pregnant with G and just cried longing to be going through it again. I am so happy I wrote everything down because what if we don’t get the opportunity to go through it again? But at the same time… did I savor everything enough? I feel like I am losing the memory of how it felt to be kicked from the inside, which was the most amazing feeling in the entire world. I so want to be able to feel that again.

Deep down in my bones I know we are supposed to have two children. How much are we going to have to go through in order for that to happen though? I want all the answers and I want them now (do I sound like my toddler??) but February 27th seems like an eternity and that’s just going to touch the tip of the question iceberg.

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