"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

My mood hasn’t changed

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I would love to say that I left today’s appointment with our new RE with renewed hope and a pep in my step when in reality that wasn’t what happened. I cried the majority of the way home.

I knew my blood pressure was going to be high. There was traffic getting there, I got lost, and there was almost no parking in the parking garage. I HATE being late so all of that added to the already anxious feelings I was having about this appointment. The nurse rechecked it after I spoke with her and it had gone down but was still high. I started the appointment off wonderfully.

I guess I thought that we would be able to side-step a few of the tests because we just went through it all in July but apparently not. In addition we are adding some… yay. I am scheduled for my SHG Wednesday and this is the only test I haven’t had to do in the past. She says as long as my old RE can send her the images of my HSG, I won’t need to go through that so fingers crossed that I can somehow get those images.

It was so anti-climactic. I really hoped we could start with my next cycle but that’s not going to happen. Here is the protocol as of right now:

  • Check BP over the next week and report results to ensure it goes back to normal
  • SHG scheduled for Wednesday
  • E has to call and schedule his new semen analysis and infectious disease bloodwork
  • Wait until CD 1 (I am on CD 8 right now) and then call to schedule CD3 bloodwork and baseline ultrasound
  • Schedule a follow-up appointment after all of the above is completed to discuss what my protocol is going to be

I did confirm with her that we are good candidates for ICSI which is good. I also expressed my disappointment that it’s going to be at least two cycles before we can get this show started and who knows just how long that would be since my cycles are unpredictable. She took pity on me and gave me a script for prometrium to take at CD 30 if I have no signs of my cycle starting. So there’s that.

Overall it was just so boring and not at all what I wanted to hear… even though going in to it I didn’t know what I wanted to hear. There are so many fucking hoops to jump through and I really hate that we have to do this. It’s so frustrating and just fucking sucks.

I wanted to leave excited. Instead I left fighting back the sarcasm and tears. Do I really want to go through all this? It seems like every step just makes this harder and harder. It shouldn’t be this hard. Why can’t we just go and have sex like most couples and get the wonderful surprise of a pregnancy? Ugh…

Well, here’s to a clear SHG and a fast two months.



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