"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

All aboard the crazy train


At this point I have convinced myself I’m pregnant… at only 10DPIUI. Even though I am fully competent to know that everything I am experiencing is due to the progesterone supplements. The logical mind gets thrown out the window more often than not and I find myself day dreaming of seeing my positive test, how I am going to tell E, what my first beta numbers would be and so on. I’ve calculated my estimated due date. I’ve started planning.

For most cycles I avoid doing this because it just sets me up for unimaginable disappointment but something has me going against all my rules for this cycle. The fall will be hard if this ends like all the other cycles this go-round. It’s going to hurt and I am not fully prepared for it.

I’ve been watching YouTube videos of people doing live pregnancy tests which is exhilarating but all it does is get my hopes up. I see myself in their shoes getting positive tests and it’s amazing to think about. Just imagine if I get to see my two lines on Friday, how incredible would that be?!?

E hasn’t helped keep my expectations level this time around either… he keeps saying adorable things about the possibility of baby number 2 and it makes me want it so much more for him. I can picture it… our family of 4. Complete and whole. Everything E and I ever wanted. We are getting ready to celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary (15 years together) and it would just be so amazing to be celebrating with a positive test. The fantasy is there and it would be incredible.

My “symptoms” are as follows:

  • Heavy breasts (not sore or bigger… they just feel heavy)
  • Hunger
  • Super tired even though I am sleeping better than usual
  • Increased urination
  • Watery CM
  • Bloated
  • On/off headaches

The past couple days I have had very few twinges or cramps which could be a good or bad thing. I think at 10dpiui it’s still too early to be experiencing PMS type symptoms for me and even if it wasn’t, I never have anything consistent to tell me when AF is arriving so it’s not much help. All of this can be attributed to the progesterone and that is just cruel. Pregnancy symptoms don’t show up this early anyways but it’s still driving me crazy. I have boarded the train and it has long left the station. No turning back now.

3 more sleeps before I can test and figure this out. Will I be riding off into the sunset or will my train derail and crash?

3 thoughts on “All aboard the crazy train

  1. I’d totally be peeing on everything lol. I hope this is it for you!!!!

    • It’s so hard not to!!! I’m really impressed that I haven’t peed on anything since 7DPIUI to see if my trigger was gone. Holding strong!! Only have to get through one more morning (since I already flushed my FMU today LOL)!!

  2. Such a hard wait! Sending you my best wishes!

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