"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

Waiting for something


I am dying for answers, for something to tell me that there is something positive growing inside of me.

My clinic called me last week to tell me that I am still not immune to chicken pox even though I got the vaccines earlier this year. Apparently I am the 1 in 100 in which that happens to, oh well. We just need to be very careful. While we were on the phone I figured I should confirm my ultrasound appointment since there was some uncertainty when it was originally scheduled. Sure enough, there was a conflict on their end and it needed to be moved. Thank goodness I asked about it. They gave me the option to come in early (Friday) or a week later (next Friday). I have been in such a constant state of crazy that there was no way I could wait longer so I choose to go in this Friday with the knowledge that I will only be about 6w4d and it may be too early to see a heartbeat.

Since the spotting incident last Sunday, I have had 2 more. Both were the same; small pink spotting on the toilet paper and it only happened once each time. I did have some very, very light brown spotting for a few hours as well. Each time I am convinced it’s the beginning of the end but it goes away and I am left with the unknown again. Last night I had some stronger than normal cramps and started spiraling down the drain again but drinking some water and laying on my left side got them to subside, I guess I just overdid it.

This is terrifying.

I don’t have many symptoms… my boobs/nipples aren’t sore or sensitive, I’m not bloated, and I don’t have an increased sense of smell. Every once and a while I will feel a little queasy or extra hungry and I have had some dull cramping every now and then but that’s it. Each day seems like it takes forever to go by and while Friday is only 3 days away, it feels like a lifetime!!! I took the day off of work on Friday so whether we get good news or bad I will be free to do as I please which is nice since I haven’t had a day off of work since the D&C and I could really use one.

3 more sleeps. Just 3 more sleeps.

4 thoughts on “Waiting for something

  1. Hey I have been thinking of you. It’s funny I’ve been saying “three more sleeps, two more sleeps” until my ultrasound and and now I am one more sleep. I am so glad you are getting in earlier. I always get a bunch of early ones to rule out ectopic so this one feels late to me! I hope we have a really great week this week!! Fingers crossed you stop spotting, too. I don’t care if people think it’s normal, it’s stressful as hell and you don’t need that.

  2. I obsess over symptoms/lack of symptoms too, and I feel like for all the obsessing I do there isn’t a lot of weight in them. I could easily not know I was pregnant if I went based on symptoms alone and so far everything has looked fine at my ultrasounds. I know it’s so nerve wracking and time seems to slow down right before a scan! Hoping that you get some good news on Friday 🙂

  3. Hope you get good news today 💓💓💓

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