"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

I can breathe again


Today was the day that I have been counting down to for the last 3 weeks: viability ultrasound day. I honestly don’t think I can properly describe how nervous I have been. My symptoms have been few and far between and I have just been a nervous wreck.

E and I dropped G off at school and then went to Starbucks to waste some time before our appointment. It took everything in me to drink my decaf iced caramel macchiato without throwing up from the nerves. E kept making fun of me because I just couldn’t sit still and in the end we decided to go to the clinic early just in case they could possibly take us early. When we got out of the cars in the parking garage I started to get emotional because the last time we did this it turned out so badly… I didn’t want to go through that again. We walked into the clinic at 8:30 and they took us back at 8:45… what a relief. I had to explain to the ultrasound technician the events that lead up to why I was there and told her that based on my best guess, I was 6w4d. She took out her little date wheel and said “well if I use the dates you’re giving me, I would say you’re about 7 weeks.” Ok great… lets get this show on the road.

This was the same technician that did 2 of my ultrasounds for my miscarriage and she was very cognizant of how nervous I was. Within about 10 seconds of starting the scan she said “well, you’re definitely pregnant and I see a good heartbeat.” I let all the air out that I didn’t know I was holding. She immediately turned on the sound so we could hear the heartbeat and it was such a wonderful sound and measured 145bpm. Then she did her measurements and I am actually measuring at 7w2d with an EDD of 6/12/18. Every time she spoke I was able to take a breath.

She told me everything looked exactly how we would want it to look. I got dressed and then we went into a room to wait to talk to our NP. While we were waiting, my favorite nurse L busts into the room and throws her arms around me. We both started tearing up and she couldn’t stop saying how happy she was for me and how this is such a miracle. I absolutely love her. My NP came in a few minutes later and reiterated everything the ultrasound technician told me and specifically said “this isn’t a ‘wait and see’ type thing like last time. This looks perfect, allow yourself to be happy.” It felt great hearing that even though I know how early it still is.

I go back in 2 weeks for a scan at 9 weeks and then again at 11 weeks. If all continues to look good we will be released to our OB at that time. I am to continue all of my medications for the time being but other than that, nothing to add.

It’s only been 2.5 hours since the appointment ended but I can’t count how many times I have taken a deep breath in and let it out with a happy/amazed sigh. I haven’t been able to do that in I don’t know how long and I will tell you, it feels damn good.


7 thoughts on “I can breathe again

  1. This is amazing news! Congratulations!!!! Yay for June babies! 👶

  2. What great news!! I’m so happy to hear this for you!! ❤️

  3. This is so wonderful I am so happy for you!!

  4. Yay! I’m so happy for you!!!

  5. Pingback: Can’t this just go smoothly? | "Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

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