"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

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16 week check-up

16 weeks 2 days – 166 days to go

Today was my 16 week visit which was pretty uneventful. Zero weight gain since my last appointment (still down 16lbs from when I found out I was pregnant), my BP is still nice and normal, and nothing off with my urine sample. The midwife I saw today did have some trouble finding the HB which would have thrown me into an absolute panic but since I knew where baby boy typically hangs out because I use the doppler at home, I was able to direct her and she found him. Thank goodness. My uterus is already right at my belly button but he likes to hang out way down low on my left… I didn’t ask if this was normal or not but hopefully if it wasn’t she would have said something.

In the past two weeks however I have been getting some incredibly bad headaches. One was so bad that my vision actually went black and I almost passed out. Talk about scary and it’s been really hard taking care of G during them. They never fully go away but most of the time they’re manageable however when they flair… lord have mercy. Tylenol doesn’t touch them and I can’t really take anything else so I brought that up today at my appointment. She thinks they are probably hormonal related and said they’re fairly common at my week gestation but she did prescribe a medication that is safe to take when they get really bad. I am thrilled I will have something just in case… they’ve been really miserable. If they get worse or arent better by my next appointment then they will refer me to a neurologist to be safe.

Other than that things have been fairly smooth. No complaints and now I can’t wait for my anatomy scan in 4 weeks to see my little man!!

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Going Public

14 weeks 6 days – 176 days to go

We did it. I still feel butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it… overall it went well. We had our family Hanukkah celebration this past Friday night and it was a fun night. We decided that since there were so many gifts we would break it out into 2 rounds and I made sure I was slated to be the last one in round 1. It was about 8:30pm and they all went around opening their gifts from E and I, the last gift being the wrapped picture of our announcement. Only my mother and sister-in-law got the picture but I actually got my mother opening it on camera and her reaction was pretty great.

After the initial excitement died down, I divulged the whole story of the past 6 months of losing the last pregnancies and the crazy ride this one has been. They all listened diligently and didn’t make it into a huge deal which was much appreciated.

The next morning we set out calling grandparents and speaking to a few aunts/uncles which was fun. When we were done with that E said we may as well go FaceBook official and while I somewhat agreed it was really hard hitting that “post” button. We didn’t state the gender and just left it that we are so happy G is finally going to be a big brother with our announcement picture. The news was very well received and so it’s done. No going back now!!

I do get uncomfortable when people ask me about the pregnancy and I am not sure that will ever change. It just feels so different this time around. Hopefully as I get more and more comfortable with it myself, it’ll become easier to talk about.


The thought of going public

14 weeks 1 day – 181 days to go

We are getting closer and closer to when we are telling our families about the pregnancy. In fact we are only about 36 hours away from telling mine and I am an absolute bundle of nerves. I am sure half of them will guess when they see me because of how I look but I am going to try my best to hide the bump since we won’t be saying anything until the end of the night.

It’s been so nice keeping this a secret for so long. My mother is incredibly overbearing and asks so many questions. With my first pregnancy she knew all about my IF treatments and so she knew my test days; it was killer every cycle that failed and almost even worse with the cycle that worked. I got constant questions and she said things that I really just didn’t want to hear. This time has been so peaceful; shes been out of the loop completely (didn’t know about our second pregnancy/resulting miscarriage, or this miracle that is happening now) and I’ve had the opportunity to live my first trimester how I wanted to live it: without constant nagging.

That’s all about to change though and along with that is going to be the incredibly bad guilt trip I am going to get for waiting this long to tell her. Oh well, it’s how we choose to handle it and she’s just going to have to move on.

We’re Jewish and as such are having out family Hanukkah celebration this weekend. We have  our announcement photo all wrapped up and I plan on giving one to my brother/SIL and Mom/Step-dad to open at the same time. After they realize what’s going on I think I am just going to blurt out that it’s another boy. Nothing too fancy or exciting but should be fun none the less.

After that I guess we will just start telling people. I had planned on doing a Facebook announcement but the longer we wait the more I am not so sure. I know we have to tell our close circle of friends and I want to tell a few specific people in person but I am not sure if we will be doing something on social media anymore. I am not sure if I am just trying to protect myself in case something does end up going wrong or if I just feel differently this time around. With G’s pregnancy, we did a social media announcement at 12.1 weeks. I was definitely still terrified something would go wrong but I still did it… who knows.

So that’s the plan! I am going to use my doppler tomorrow morning to hopefully find little nugget and feel more confident about the right now to tell the family tomorrow night! Wish me luck!!


Genetic Results and the Doppler

13 weeks 3 days – 186 Days to Go

Today is officially the start of my 2nd trimester… there has always been debate on when this actually starts. Some say 12 weeks, some say 14 but I asked my doctor about this and he simply said take 40/3 (trimesters) and you get 13.3333 which means 13 weeks, 3 days is technically the official start of my second trimester. Hooray!

It’s been a week since my last appointment and I feel like so much has happened between now and then but most notably was that I needed xrays for my hand. The thought of xrays was really scary but it was necessary and they covered me up really well. The good news is that nothing in my hand is broken! I was however convinced that the small amount of radiation killed my little nugget, so I bought a doppler. I received it on Wednesday and immediately tried it out. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of probing but I finally found baby with a great HB. I did however push a little too hard and have a small bruise from it… needless to say I will be taking a break from the doppler for a few days to make sure I don’t do that again. I think I was just getting antsy because it was taking so long to find and didn’t realize how hard I was pushing.

In other news, I have been not-so-patiently waiting for my Panorama results back and have been checking my email like a lunatic waiting for the results. They finally came late yesterday afternoon…

Gender results

All of those words could not have been any better. We are so happy that everything looks genetically healthy and are thrilled for another boy!! The worst part about it is going to be picking a name. We exhausted every single option before settling on G’s name… this one is going to be impossible!

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First OB Appointment

12 weeks 3 days – 193 days to go

Yesterday was finally my first OB appointment and boy was it a doozy… between a quick ultrasound, intake with the nurse, pelvic/breast exam, pap, discussion with an actual OB, and labs, I was there for a little over 2 hours.

My ultrasound was first and I thought I was getting the NT scan but the tech informed me that they don’t do those anymore, I would have to go to a specialist if I wanted it. Interesting but at least I got to see baby for a minute with a good heart rate (163bpm) and he/she was measuring a day ahead. I do have an anterior placenta right now which sucks but I am hoping it moves at least a little. I had a partial anterior placenta with G and I was sort of hoping to be able to feel baby all over this time.

After that I sat with a nurse who was incredibly sweet and we talked about everything. She asked SO many questions to which I was able to answer 95% of them perfectly. How my father’s parents died… I wasn’t quite sure. They passed before I was born and I don’t know a whole lot about them. After all the questions she went over all the do’s and don’t’s in pregnancy and I nodded my head like I wasn’t fully aware of everything she was talking about. Then she asked me if I wan’t NIPT and that they offer the Panorama test and offer it to all their patients. My eyes lit up because I really wanted NIPT but have heard that some doctors don’t even allow it if you don’t meet certain criteria. I immediately said yes! We will have results in 5-7 calendar days. So crazy!

After I was finally done with her I met with the OB who was very nice and a little nerdy. We discussed coming off my baby asprin/progesterone/metformin and how the beginning of the pregnancy has been. Then on to the physical exam type of stuff. All in all, the typical doctor gig, in and out.

I was then off to the lab for 10 vials of blood. Good lord that was a lot but I survived and then got to head home. I don’t go back for 4 whole weeks and I am not quite sure how I am going to survive that long without seeing/hearing baby. I have thought about a doppler but am so nervous that if I can’t find the HB I will just panic and it will be bad. I may still end up getting one but I am holding off for right now.