"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD


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one year

Logan,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I can’t believe you’re already 1. That one year ago you were nestled against my chest, skin on skin, breathing each other in for the first time. I honestly don’t know how this year went so fast yet when I look back at how much you’ve grown in every single way, it feels like a lifetime. No matter your age you will always be my baby boy.

I don’t even really know where to start… You started walking a week before you turned 11 months. Not many steps but a few here and there and you were so proud of yourself. Right at 11 months you finally felt comfortable enough to walk more than crawl and just within the last couple days you’ve really picked up the pace. You’re going to be running in no time and I am not quite sure how I am going to keep up!!

You are the most amazing eater. I can put just about anything in front of you and you’ll devour it. Just the other night you ate an entire pollock, potato and spinach burger while your dad, brother and I couldn’t even stomach it. You love veggies, fruit, meat, and carbs… boy do you love carbs (you get that from me).  You also love to drink water! You do love milk but we are still trying to figure out if whole milk is ok on your tummy or not… we are in the trial and error stage. We switched you from formula to milk gradually but your behavior started to change. When you went to all milk you had terrible diarrhea and the tantrums went to a whole other level. We switched you back to formula for the time being until we get in to see the doctor to get their opinion.

Speaking of the tantrums… you sure know how to throw them! There was about a 2-week period where anything and everything made you mad and you would slam your head into whatever was closest. You did it so hard at daycare one day, on the edge of a table, you had a huge black and blue mark across your forehead for over a week. You are typically either really happy or really mad, not much of an in between. The severity of the tantrums has decreased significantly now that you’re not on regular milk anymore and I am hoping that if we transition you to a lactose free milk, we can keep it that way.

You’ve really grown to love your brother. He can make you laugh just by looking at you! You both love playing and dancing in the car and you always try to get up a game with him at home. Right now, the tunnel Uncle Marc got you for your birthday is the biggest hit. You sit on one side, Grant sits on the other and you both race in the tunnel all while laughing hysterically. Grant definitely likes to make you happy and is always trying to figure out what you need when you’re upset. I am so happy you have each other.

Oh! You are finally snuggling with me again!!! For so many months you wanted nothing to do with me at bedtime; all you wanted was your paci and to get into bed. Well for the last 3 nights, after your books, you turn around and let me hold you, rock you, and sing to you. It’s everything to me. I do it as long as I can and then reluctantly put you into your bed. I wake up each morning waiting for those precious few minutes with you.

In terms of daycare, you’re doing well overall. They started transitioning you out of the baby room about 2 weeks before you turned 1 and that has been hard. You loved one specific teacher in the baby room a lot and had no trouble when I dropped you off with her. Now that you’re in a new room with people you’re not familiar with drop off is tough. You cry and it rips my heart out but you have so much fun once that stops. You get to paint, play outside, dance to music, read books, draw, and you even have splash days right now!! You even get to see Grant sometimes on the playground which I hear you absolutely love! I am hoping that in the next few weeks you’ll grow to love your new teachers just as much as before and drop off won’t be as heartbreaking for either of us.

I also think you’re going to be my sports guy. You already love the basketball and try to dribble it and put it in the tiny little hoop we have. You’re so incredibly strong (we call you hulk baby) and I don’t see that changing. You’ve been pushing around anything that you can get to move for the last two-three months. Each night I have to rearrange the entire living room and kitchen with all the furniture and large items you decided to move. It’s entertaining to watch at least!

I love you so much it’s hard to properly articulate. Your smile lights up my world. I can’t help but feel so much joy when I see you happy. I wish nothing but the absolute best for each journey you embark on during your life. I am sure the adventures we will have this next year will be vast and I can’t wait to experience every single one of them with you.

Happy birthday big boy!

I love you,

Mommy