"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect.”

Motherhood after Infertility and Parenting a child with ASD

I am not in the mood…

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After everything that has been going on and the informational overload I feel from gorging Imagemyself with articles/blogs/forums on the internet I am not in the mood to talk about children. Tonight we went to a friends surprise birthday party and the person hosting the party has two adorable girls (3 and 6). They are beyond bratty and have very little manners but it is amazing how little that matters when all you want is to have a kid of your own…

They were the only couple at the party who have children under the age of 14 and so a lot of the conversation was about when the two couples who were there were going to have babies. I wanted nothing to do with the conversation since we aren’t telling people about our struggles. I could tell my face just fell and my entire mood changed when the topic was changed to that. The worst part is that I felt guilty for feeling that way! It is so hard to do this “alone” – when everyone on the outside just thinks that the reason we don’t have kids is because we aren’t ready.

There is a girl up the street who is pregnant and due in the beginning of June and we are doing a neighborhood dinner rotation for them. I don’t know them very well but I signed up because I am so happy for people who have the ability to have children and from what little I know of them they are so excited. They are having a little boy and so they were also the topic of conversation tonight. I was hoping for a couple hours of not having to really think hard about this but that didnt exactly happen. Oh well… on to another work week.

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